I was asked on a date by...

With all the talk of Valentines Day and Love this week it spiked a certain six year olds curiosity, and he had tons of questions about what people do on Valentines Day..I told him that a lot of people go on dates to which he asked if he could take me on one...my heart pretty much melted and I couldn't say no. So this afternoon we went out to lunch together, and he opened all the doors for me like a gentleman..and I gave him money beforehand because he insisted on paying. He wanted to drive too, and almost convinced me he was a good driver because he's an amazing story teller, but that won't happen for 10 more years. Which is a scary thought. I'm constantly reminded about how much God has blessed me, and he has profusely with this one. With therapies taking up almost every night of the week, I'm always left to focus on the things Brock can't do instead of what he can do. Which is painful for me because I am always trying to see the upside to everything, so it brings me down. This tiny request from Brock made me realize that he is making so much improvements in basic conversation by expressing his wants. And he honestly asks for so little that when he does I try to honor his requests as much as possible. Yesterday for example I was so unbelievably proud of him, they were having Valentines Day Parties at school and I made too many Valentines and on the way to drop him off I asked him what he'd think of handing them out to teachers in the hallway, he liked the idea, even when I said he might not know some of them..so it was a go. He didn't talk to any of the teachers just handed them off and practically ran, but it was huge for him because he has a lot of anxieties when it comes to social interactions. And everyone was great so it made me feel just an incredible sense of pride for Brock to face a fear head on. I absolutely love when Brock has breaks from school, even though my own work gets put on hold, because I feel like with everything else we truly don't get time together. So thank you Brock for taking me on my very first "real" date. I can honestly say I've never been on a real one before, even though it was obviously all in fun. Whenever I feel like I could be doing more God sends me these reminders that I'm doing something right when it comes to raising my child. Here we are before our fun date, sorry for the selfies but there's only the two of us so selfies are the way to go.

Brock-isms

My mom has been asking me forever to make a blog full of the funny things Brock has said or done over the years. It was hard to pick, but I chose 23..yeah there's plenty more, but I'm saving those for a project I've been working on...I was down with pneumonia last week, which gave me some free time I don't normally have to go through old journals, blogs, and Facebook posts. So mom, since you've been my biggest supporter/champion this is for you:

July 9, 2010
-So Brock came running out of the bathroom to tell me he 'poop in the potty'. I go running in the bathroom ALL EXCITED to find he left me Cheetos there instead.

February 1st, 2011
- Brock woke me up and gave me a big hug. I said to him, 'I love you Mr. Brock.' He looks at me and says, ''Aww I love ME too mommy.''

February 23rd, 2011
- I wake up to Brock with his radio on, and dancing at 3:30 a.m. I ask him what he's doing, and he says ''what mom I'm partying!" I told him it's time to go back to bed and he told me to go ahead and lay down, Brock will be OK.

March 3rd, 2011
- Ran into Walmart tonight to get a few things , and Brock saw diapers when we passed by that section. He says'' Mommy I need diapers''. I tell him he doesn't need diapers because we have plenty. A few minutes later a lady is talking to him and he tells this stranger that his mommy won't buy him diapers and he really needs to go potty. I never received a dirtier look from another person, than the one that stranger gave me.

September 16th, 2011
- At my sisters house and this guy came to pump the sewer. I stepped outside with Brock and he says to the guy ' Not fair, my mom won't let me poop outsid!"

January 17th, 2012
- When you ask me my sons name, and I tell you it's Brock, and you giggle and say like BARACK Obama, trust me I'm not laughing with you.

April 27th, 2012
- Apparently Brock got hungry during the middle of the night. Walked into his bedroom to check on him and he had lunch meat, crackers and a tub of peanut butter on his bed. He looked at me and said, what, I wanted breakfast but it's still dark out.

May 7th,2012
- Brock asked if he could eat some of my spicy peppers, and I let him know that kids usually don't like spicy foods. He says '' well some kids do. Don't say all kids, cause you don't know all the kids of the world.''

June 20th, 2012
- Who needs refrigerator/ freezer locks anyways? When a 3 year old wants breakfast, they want it now. Even if it consists of sitting on the kitchen floor-indian style, while digging his chubby hands in a big tub of ice cream at 6 a.m. So I did what any normal parent would do..grabbed some spoons and joined him.

July 29th, 2012
- Brock to his 3 day old cousin, Sienna, who was crying '' quiet sweetheart, you're annoying me!"

August 4th, 2012
-Awkward moment when Brock gets mistaken for a girl at the store. Even more awkward when he says, excuse me ma'am, I'm a boy, I stand when I go potty.''

October 18th, 2012
-i was telling Brock I needed to make him an appointment to cut his hair. Which is never fun. Brock says' mother, I can only look this good if YOU cut my hair.''

November 13, 2012
-Disciplining Brock would be so much easier if he wasnt so quick witted, and made me laugh so much. Watched him do something he wasnt suppose to, and when asked about it he says, ''Oh that? That wasn't me. That was the Brock next door..the one with the curly hair.'' Energy.please.kick.in.

November 28th, 2012
- Found a phone number that has a recorded message from Santa that kids can listen to. For months I've told Brock that I know Santa's phone number, and he didn't believe me. So today when "Santa'' called and said I know when you've been naughty or nice'' Brocks mouth dropped open and he says '' Oh shoot! You were right. I guess I can't be naughty anymore!" Evil or genius? You tell me.

December 26th, 2012
- I feel like I'm living the real life version of a musical right now. Lately Brock has turned every single thing he does into a song ''I'm going to the bathroom, I really have too gooooo'' Mooom I'm hungry, chicken sounds gooooood'' I'm really getting sleepy, can yoouu puuut meee toooo beeeed'' Just a few examples and unfortunately it's quite catchy'.

February 1st, 2013
-If you've ever wondered if you can teach a cat to sit, shake or fetch the answer is yes. Brock has been asking for a dog, and I told him he needs to be more responsible with our cats first. Well..he showed me. Well played Brock, well played.

February 10th, 2013
that awkward moment when Brock sings Lady GaGa's Bad Romance in my Bible Study Class.

February 19th, 2013
-Brock has officially out pranked me. This morning he was complaining he wasn't feeling well, and went running into the bathroom. A few minutes later he was saying OUCH! OUCH! Followed by some less than pleasant sounds. I walk into check on him and find him sitting on the floor playing with the fart sounds app on my tablet, laughing hysterically at me. Boys. Are. So. Gross.

April 16th, 2013
-i dyed my moms hair today, and when Brock saw it he told her Grandma! Now you don't look so much like an old lady! That boy sure knows how to lay on the charm.

May 10th, 2013
-Brock is officially my garage sale-ing side kick. He bargained down a price on a toy he wanted all on his own. Hearing him say will you take five for it, has never made me more proud. Either that, or he'll make an excellent salesman someday.

May 15th, 2013
- caught a softball with my face last night. Woke up to my right eye and cheek black and swollen. I look like I have two cheekbones on one cheek. Brock said , wow mommy, you need to do your makeup better you look like a raccoon.

January 25th, 2013
out for lunch with Brock and he had to tell every girl he saw that she was beautiful. Yeah that will be trouble when he's older.

December 23rd, 2013
-Brocks over-used excuse of the week, ''I'm only being naughty cause I want to see if Santa really won't bring me a present if I'm bad.''

DIY weighted blanket

I've been hearing about weighted blankets and there benefits for children with SPD &ASD (sensory processing disorder / Autism Spectrum Disorder) for quite some time..Brock has a very hard time falling and staying asleep at night, where some nights he, and myself included end up with 3-5 hours per night. I thought I'd give it a go, so I looked up the cost if I would order one online and they are anywhere between $150-$300 I didn't want to spend that much yet, until I knew whether or not it would help him..so I found a DIY website and made my own for him. It isn't anything spectacular, but the cost was between $30-40. He's used it 3 times now, and it's helped him fall asleep in less than 10 minutes. The blanket weighs around 5 pounds, as I didn't feel comfortable using more weight than this for Brock. Some use up to 15 lbs. Pics are below.

Pro vaccination or not??

Vaccinations is a topic I don't particularly like getting into, but it's one subject that I get asked about constantly. Since I'm asked so often, I figured why not blog about it? When people hear that Brock has Autism some are very curious about whether or not I had him vaccinated. I'll throw this right out there, and then get into my feelings on it. Brock was vaccinated. (Gasp) the horror, right? And he's going to continue getting all of his booster shots, even after being DX'D with Autism. Do I think vaccinations caused Brocks Autism? No, I do not, and here's why. There are children with Autism who have been vaccinated, and there are children with Autism who have NOT been vaccinated. The end. Just kidding. Look, when I found out I was pregnant with Brock I spent more than my fair share time of studying the pro's and con's of every little thing imaginable. To breastfeed or to formula feed? To circumcise or not? To vaccinate or not? To use cloth or disposable diapers. What car seat, crib, or baby bottles are the safest. To have Brock see a pediatrician or would my family doctor do? I've worried about how every little thing would affect him, and didn't go into this with a blind eye. I don't do things just because everyone else is doing them or because it's expected. If the pro's outweigh the con's and I feel it's best for my child, I'm going to do it. Every single thing I do has Brocks best interest in mind. When Brock was born and it came time for vaccinations after I did my studying at home, and read through the risks, and signed the dotted line for my consent  I never once regretted it. Every time you put a medication in your body there is a risk. That antibiotic you take for strep throat or an ear infection? Theres a risk. Risk for an allergic reaction, or side effects ranging from nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. I'd take the nausea and vomiting versus having it progress into kidney inflammation, rheumatic fever, hearing loss, or a perforated ear drum. If you take medication for depression or anxiety some of the side effects are..well more depression and anxiety amongst other things. Do you risk worsening depression by not taking a medicine for it, or do you also risk the side effects in hopes of it getting better? I'm no stranger to side effects from medications myself. Like I've said before, I've had Crohns disease for 16 going on 17 years, I've taken my share of meds to get better. I stopped all my meds 1.5 years ago since I learned to manage intermittent symptoms on my own..but in the process of learning I also had some nasty side effects like hearing loss, bone loss, facial tics and a million other things. If I didn't treat my crohns in a flare, it could have fatal consequences. There's a risk with everything even vaccines. The pro's outweighed the con's so my child was vaccinated. It just so happened that he was diagnosed with Autism in the mist of it all. If it comes out down the road that vaccines played a part, because there's no way vaccines can cause it because there wouldn't be people with Autism who haven't received a single dose of vaccines if it were, I'm not to prideful to admit that maybe I made a mistake. Honestly we are all predisposed to a number of things, a majority never come to fruition. If vaccinations DO play a part it just means Brock was pre disposed to having it, and the vaccinations pushed it out sooner than it would have on its own. But I strongly believe that it was decided when Brock was growing in utero that Autism would be a part of him. Nothing can change it, or take it away, it's always going to be a part of him. I struggled for many years wondering if I did something differently during my pregnancy if Brock wouldn't of had it, I didn't just always accept things at face value. I know many people have asked me how I'm always so optimistic, and I don't want to lie and say I always have been this way. Anytime something happens to our child(ren) whether Autism or something else is in play, we want to know the how's, and why's of it all. Why did Brock get Autism? I don't know. I may never know, I used to beat myself up over it, but I'm past the grieving, and the blaming. Sometimes things happen just because, and there is no rhyme and reason to it. I have a love/hate relationship with Autism. I love Autism because it makes my baby boy who he is, and the hate is because I strongly dislike how much Brock struggles everyday. I live and breathe this, I see the tears of frustration daily coming from Brock on why he can't do something that is seemingly simple like all his friends can do. Nobody would like something that caused there child so much pain and anxiety. I kind of feel like if you take away Autism, you take away a big part of my son. There are so many things that make up who each person is, and this is a part of who he is. Autism isn't ALL of who he is, but a part of him. I decided a year ago that I wasn't going to sit around and wonder why Brock? Why does he have Autism?  There are so many therapies available to help him along the way, and improve his quality of life, sitting around and worrying isn't going to solve anything. It would only hold him back. There have been many studies done on what causes Autism, and there is no definitive answers yet. Only opinions on what this person believes over the next. Everyone is entitled to theirs, and I'm not here to change minds, only talk about my personal experiences with Brock, and my personal opinions. I have friends who believe vaccines cause it, and thats OK. I respect their thoughts, and they respect mine. I believe it's always easier to process something when there is something concrete to blame, and it makes it harder for us parents who have children with Autism when there are no answers to our questions. Until the day all of our questions are answered we'll always be left wondering why. In the meantime I encourage you to let go of the self blame, it's a natural reaction, and fully embrace the blessing(s) in front of you if you're stuck at that stage.

Autism Awareness hand painting craft

Someone emailed me a picture of this little boys hands painted the colors that represent Autism, and I had wanted to try it on Brock for sometime. He had turned down the idea before, and the same picture showed up on my news feed on Facebook over the weekend, and Brock said all on his own that he wanted to try it only if I would with him..so this is what we did after school. It was super messy, but a lot of fun. I like trying new things with him, and this turned out to be a success, minus the blurry pictures, and the hand prints on my walls..but so worth all the new colors in my house:)

Updates on a few things

I'm trying to post enough things for the next few weeks, as we have quite a bit going on over the Holidays, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to blog much, if at all. Some of you may be aware, but I haven't posted much personal updates concerning Brock. Brock was approved for special education back in November, and started after Thanksgiving break. He really seems to enjoy it, and really likes all of his teachers in there. Not to embarrass Brock, but he's quite the ladies man. He has his very first crushes, yes crushes as in more than one, and they all happen to be teachers. It's probably the cutest thing to watch when I ask him each day what teachers he's worked with, and when I mention a few specific names his face turns bright red. I ran into one last week when I dropped Brock off, and his face resembled a tomato, and he ran off. The males in my family tend to be flirts, so it looks like Brock was blessed with that gene. Brock and I also started seeing a behavioral therapist together, he specializes in working with children on the autism spectrum. He works close with the parent(s) too because most of it involves giving them the ideas to incorporate into their daily lives. We just started that a few weeks ago too, so I'm excited to see where it leads. After the first of the year Brock will be seeing a physical therapist too. His walk or gait is delayed significantly, so we'll be getting him help with that. With all of these added things into our schedules, Brock has been having a hard time behaviorally by the time he gets home, and his sleep schedule has been affected. We do a lot of yoga, and relaxation exercises to release the stress. I'm sure it will all calm down once he gets use to it. Until than I'm getting woke up by him every 2-3 hours at night. It sucks, but such is life. It's worse for Brock. But he's surrounded by love and patience. And this too shall pass. I'm really looking forward to Christmas break, because he really needs one. I have a book recommendation for those who haven't read it, I finally got around to it as my reading list has been quite large lately. I downloaded it on to my kindle, and I'm so glad I did. It's called 'The Reason I jump" by Naoki Higashida. He's a 13 year old boy on the Autism Spectrum who writes about what living with Autism is really like. The cool thing is he cant talk verbally, or write I think? Or couldn't at one point, correct me if I'm wrong. And his mom invented an alphabet grid for him just so he would be able to. Amazing. It's a short read at 150 some pages, and $8.99 on the amazon kindle app.

Christmas Concert

Brock had his first ever Christmas Concert last week. I was nervous how it would go for him, and he did awesome! It was simply amazing to see a few of his classmates help him when he'd stumble during some of the dancing they'd do during the songs. They didn't care that it would take away from their own little performances, they saw a friend in need and stepped up to help. I had tears in my eyes, watching the care his friends have for him shine through. His classmates parents are doing it right. I love how everyone in kindergarten are friends, and hope these bonds they have stick throughout their school careers. I couldn't get close enough to get great pictures, so I only have a few, but thought I'd share anyways. There on my Facebook page to as well. Most of my postings I leave public, because I'm not sharing anything secretive or extreme. I wouldn't add that there..so my page is open for anyone to view.